What constitutes a robust, healthy sex life? Once a day? Twice a week? Three times a month?
And if a couple doesn’t have sex, but they both feel satisfied, then is there a problem? And what if you have sex all the time, but are never satisfied? Is that unhealthy?
In the escort business, we are often mistaken for sexual therapists (or actually, we might be) or marriage counsellors (again, we might be) and there is nothing we haven’t heard about sex life.
And the truth is, there is probably no such thing as the exact definition of a healthy sex life. The issue is when there’s a mismatch in desire.
We doubt there is anyone in long-term monogamous relationships who feel completely satisfied and in sync with their partner sexually. That is just the way it is – maybe we weren’t made to be completely satisfied by one person.
And for every one monogamous relationship, there are countless people who are frustrated by sexual issues. And while it’s not fair for one person to walk around feeling sexually deprived and undesired, it can be equally tough for the person’s partner to feel pressured and resented.
The problem is our libidos are mismatched, with one often being the high-desire partner, while the other is the opposite. Sometimes the imbalance can be more subtle; more like a 70-30 sexual calibration.
A lot of men tell us that their advances are often met with passivity (although I am sure it cuts both ways). One thing is for certain, there are varying definitions of a sexless marriage or sexless relationship: no sex in the past year, no sex in the past six months or sex 10 or fewer times a year. According to one study, approximately 15 percent of married couples are sexless: Spouses haven’t had sex with each other in the past six months to one year.
One of our regular, long-term customers recently revealed, on average, he and his wife have sex once a month, always on a Friday and always in the same place and same position. “It’s always good, if not great,” he said. “My wife says I’m good at pleasuring her and she often expresses her attraction to me, so I don’t understand why we have sex so seldom.”
The answer is all too familiar; attraction doesn’t for many women translate into desire. Sex just isn’t a big part of their relationship, even when the man’s desire for her is unflagging.
So many of our clients talk about how they have tried to “rekindle the magic” — things like sleeping naked or trying to schedule date night sex — but to no avail. So some resort to going after sympathy sex once or twice a year, which, in our opinion, may be far worse than no sex at all.
The bottom line (no pun intended) is that libido can be affected by a number of things, including depression, medication, stress, health, affairs, previous sexual trauma, pornography, pain with sex and relationship dissatisfaction.
I am sure there are as many men affected by this as there are women. It’s just that we, usually, only see men and hear about their frustration. These are men, many desperate for love, and making appointments for sex because they aren’t getting any at home. Who’s to blame? No one. It’s just a fact of life.